Conversations that have made us laugh uproariously these last few weeks.

Scene: Consultation room, hospital maternity ward.

Present: Me and him and two doctors (one with a strong resemblance to the luckless Queen Jane, Henry the Eighth’s third wife who died during the birth of her first child, as played on the Showtime series The Tudors).

Me: But why could the beta hCG level be rising if there is nothing visible in the sac, which is too small for its gestational age in any case?

Queen Jane: Well, it’s not clear why. We do see this happen when the pregnancy is a twin pregnancy.

Us: …?!? [Laughing uproariously.]

Queen Jane: I don’t mean to say that is what is causing it in this situation!

***

Scene: Bed. Pillow talk, as such, following the departure of a gruesome yet fascinating morsel of ‘product of conception’ from my body and the subsequent examination thereof. 

Present: Me and him and the cat. 

Me: Do you think you’ll still be attracted to me in the future after seeing what came out of me today?

Him: Yes, but I don’t know why you had to play with it like that.

Me: I wasn’t playing. I was just interested to see what it was. Weren’t you?

Him: No.

Me: Why not?

Him: It’s not mine.

Me: …

Me: Yeah it is.

Me: [Laughing uproariously.]

Him: [Nothing.]

Me: It even looks like you!

Him: [Nothing.]

Me: [Still laughing uproariously.]

Him: [Dirty look.]

Him: [Rolling over to feign sleep.]

Cat: [Curling up next to him, also feigning sleep.]

Me: [Still laughing uproariously.]

***

Scene: Different consultation room, same hospital maternity ward. 

Present: Me and a doctor (not Queen Jane).

Me: So you’re saying that if we wait another few days, all we are risking is lost time and the chance that it’s an ectopic pregnancy?

Doctor: Yes, but an ectopic pregnancy could be very grave. It could lead to rupture of the fallopian tubes, which would be very dangerous to your health and your future fertility. It could —

Me: [Laughing uproariously.]

Doctor: [Tries to continue speaking.]

Me: [Still laughing uproariously.]

Doctor: It’s really not very funny.

Me: No, I know … it’s just that I said “all we are risking,” ….

Doctor: [Nothing.]

Me: Never mind, sorry. Go on.

***

Scene: Outside hospital maternity ward, on the verge of re-entry after having passed two hours aimlessly wandering around the shops in town while waiting for the results of another hCG test. 

Present: Me and him. 

Him: Just wait a moment, I want to go and put this bag in the car.

Me: Why, you don’t want them to know that you were off shopping while they were trying to figure out if your baby is dead or not?

Him: [Shocked stare.]

Me: [Wink.]

Us: [Laughing uproariously.]