I was so happy, excited, nervous – and so ready to make our baby efforts definitive. We'd wanted to for a while but, for various reasons, were waiting for me to find and settle into a new job, a wait that we eventually decided to put end to when no such job appeared forthcoming. The problem with (or the benefit of ...) an IUD is that you can't, um, ease into these sort of things, in contrast to the pill, for example, and all the "oops" chances that it provides, so the definitiveness that the removal provided had been a long time coming. (Never mind the "oops" that I thought we'd had despite the IUD!)
I was certain that it would happen right away,* and I guess it kind of did, looking back with today's perspective on those few months that passed before that pre-Christmas positive. Although "I guess it kind of did" with the kind of ending that "kind of did" ended up with was not exactly what I had in mind.
Then I was certain that it would happen right away again, and I guess it kind of didn't. Or, rather, it totally fucking didn't.
My beloved EmHart, who so very often keeps her humor shining despite her aching heart, said it best when she and Kitt passed the one-year mark a few weeks ago, and then invited us to say it even better. Both her cheeky post and the comments on it made me laugh so hard the first time around, even through my empathy, and perhaps it'll make me laugh tonight, too. After I lift a lonely glass to my lonely womb and have a good lonely tearful tantrum, that is.
*There's an asterisk on this ... for later.
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| slap a candle on this sucker and pass me a beer. borrowed ethically from source |
Those anniversaries are such a bitch. I hope the cupcake and the beer offer just a little bit of pain relief on this crapiversary.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've made it to the year mark with no luck. :(
ReplyDeleteI have a new favorite fake swear. Freakcacking, which can also be incerted into OMFreakcackingG. I love return to go's crapiversary too. May have to steal that. I hope the beer and cake hits the spot, or maybe I need a quick trip to Liverpool x x x
ReplyDeleteA hard day indeed. :-( I'm so sorry, drink your beer(s) and know you are a strong woman. xoxo
ReplyDeleteHate this anniversary. So sorry you're having to face it. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteArgh! I'm sorry you also hit the one year mark. It's a tough day that's for sure. Hope the cupcake and the beer will do some good for you. Keep you chin up. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteSeriously hate that people going though infertility and loss have these shitty anniversaries to not look forward to. Not fair. You deserve a beer, my friend, and a cupcake, too. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteWell that blows, time goes by too quickly. I'll be thinking of you, and that cupcake and beer mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Love you
ReplyDeleteI am lifting a glass to your lonely womb, lovely.
ReplyDeleteMy empty womb will be joining yours with a beer (or two or three).
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've reached this craptastic anniversary. :(
So sorry about your anniversary. Since we passed our one year in June each month I think about where my mind was (this month is August, I was still excited and ironically kind of nervous it would happen straight away, next months, September, is when I told my closest friend we were trying, in October I cancelled a spa day 'just in case' etc.). Have yourself a beer and a cupcake and take it easy. I keep saying it but our bodies don't work in years, TTC is not a cumulative effect, and each month we have as much or as little chance as we ever did. Big hugs xx
ReplyDeleteUm. Wishing not very many unhappy returns? You know? Anyway I'm glad I met you "on the line" as my motherinlaw would say.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the bad-iversary. (Blissfully) ignorant youths always know just the right thing to say, don't they?
ReplyDeleteThank you, my dears ... your words (in addition to the afore-mentioned beer/cupcake combination - items ingested separately!) have bucked me up immensely, giving me new courage for the future and new hopes that the second anniversary will not pass as emptily as the first. I'm thinking fondly of all of you.
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