Your friend who once informed you that she couldn’t stay too long at happy hour with you because she was about to ovulate and had to go home to have sex with her husband because they’d just decided they’d like to try for a baby and then, two weeks later, to the day, called to tell you that she was pregnant, and then, nine blissful stress-free months later, called to tell you that the baby was here. Bam. And then did it all again, exactly like that, a year later.
Your never-been-pregnant older friend who adopted her child after years of infertility treatment (but if you do dare to speak those words aloud for the first time to someone other than a medical professional, you’ll be glad for the resolute yet measured sympathy that will meet them yet won’t expect also being subject to, “Well, enjoy the time alone with your husband while you have it; when you have children” – let’s all assume there will be such a when – “you’ll look back on these days with longing.”)
Your younger, single, party-girl friend who, every time you talk, asks jovially, “So when are you two lovebirds going to start thinking about having kids?!”
Anyone who thinks that you, at 33-and-two-thirds, are such a spring chicken that you should be reminded, “Well, you’re still young, you can just try again!”
Your cat. He’s already heard too much about it, and besides, his baleful stare in response is easy to read: “Why don’t you just adopt … another feline?”
Your parents, who can’t stop talking about how excited they are about their soon-to-arrive first grandchild.
Your younger sister, who is providing them with said soon-to-arrive grandchild.
The rest of the world, except for you, Internet.
Anyone else?
Your mother who is so caught up in her own life that she barely talks to you, let alone realizes what in the world is going on. The mother who also was so excited about her first grandchild (sister's new baby). The mother who gossips like crazy. The mother who got pregnant on her honeymoon and can't fathom that it isn't always THAT easy. That's who I won't be telling anytime soon. Thank goodness for the internet. Seriously!
ReplyDeleteSorry your mother isn't there for you, but I hope there are others in your life who can be a wonderful source of support. The problem is that sometimes you don't know how somebody will react until you say something, and then you end up wishing you'd just kept quiet (my post today is a great example of that - although in that case, I'd had my suspicions ...). Sometimes it really is best just to keep things private.
DeleteAnd yes, thank goodness for the internet!
Shaking my head in agreement...I've had all these, (minus the cat).
ReplyDeleteAlso, in my case, the 'concerned' friend who, when told, shoots back with a chirpy 'Oh, thank GOODNESS. I had a feeling something was wrong, but I'm so glad to hear it wasn't someone important!' WTF.
Also, the sister-in-law, due days after you, who writes to tell you that 'I know you'll understand that because I'm so nervous about my own first pregnancy, that's why I've been avoiding you since you lost the baby. I just don't want to jinx things for myself'. We don't have the plague, you know. Our baby died, it's not contagious.
One thing I've learned through all this: people can be SUCH self-absorbed idiots.
Another thing I've learned: it's perfectly ok to fantasize about unleashing bodily harm upon said people.
I really appreciate this blog, and the tone you take with it.
I'm really not sure how people can come up with such insensitive and graceless things to say. Not important? Don't jinx me? It's astonishing, really. Have you seen this site? It brings a little black humor to all of the stupidity - much appreciated.
Deletethingspeoplesaidaftermymiscarriage.blogspot.com
As for cats ... well, HAVE you considered adopting? ;)
And thank you, I'm glad you can appreciate my writing - it makes me feel a little better about having "something" to write about.