2. And speaking of the thermometer, is using my lips rather than my teeth to hold it in place every morning going to give me smokers' lines?
3. A friend who's pushing forty has told me several times now, apropos of her completely theoretical career plans (she's as much a Swiss housewife as I am), that she'd like to start having kids ... in a couple of years. Is this a teaching moment, or do I just nod and smile?
4. Fertility Friend's Fertility Analyzer informs me, based on both cervical fluid and monitor being Most Fertile, that I'm in my Most Fertile phase and gives me the green light to beckon my hopeful future baby-daddy to the bedroom. But then why does it put Probably Not Fertile under Stats? Is it because I seem to be ovulating a day or two earlier than normal this cycle? This is what I'm talking 'bout:
5. This one's multiple-choice. What caused the cat to vomit loudly, forcefully, and rather fuck-you-ishly on the rug (of course) immediately after yesterday's green-lighted bedroom beckoning: jealousy over being kicked out from under the covers, fear of a potential future sibling rivalry, or just sheer piggily gourmandise?
6. How does apple juice turn a pregnancy test positive? (See Selbe's post on her super-duper scientific experiment proving that it can.)
7. What in the devil possessed me to continue watching related "telling my husband I'm pregnant" clips on Youtube after popping over only to see what that old iPhone commercial I'd read about in somebody's archives was all about?
Perhaps you can enlighten me ... or at least lend me your company by puzzling along with me.
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| i'm so puzzled. borrowed ethically from source |
I feel the same about the thermometer! Some days the thing works so fast and other days it takes forever. I have actually fallen back alseep several times while taking my temp.
ReplyDeleteOh and to cats puking...mine love to puke in places where it is either so hard to clean up (like behind the couch) or on our bed. They are lucky they are so cute!
Hope you catch that egg this month!!!
Sometimes I fall asleep too - luckily the beeps at the end wake me up again.
DeleteOn your bed!! This guy hasn't dared to try that yet. Hope he doesn't get any ideas!
1. No idea.
ReplyDelete2. I shouldn't think so.
3. Hummmm, that is a tricky one. I think at the very least a casual conversation along the lines of age/fertility might be helpful.
4. I think you are right, it is because you are Oing early and the stats are based on previous months data.
5. I say jealousy. My Jade used to do dirty protests when she thought she had been wronged in any way.
6. No idea.
7. Masochism? You crazy lady, that is just silly behaviour. I hereby ban youtube, no good can come of that.
Dirty protests! I like that term. And yes, masochism ... perhaps ... at the end of it I certainly felt like I'd been masochized (if that's even a word).
Deletestupid fertility friend. I waste so much time on that site. Well, I hope this is your month!! and I agree with Em--stop the YouTube! It's as bad as my obsession with looking at the positive pregnancy test gallery on FF.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'll give up the YouTube if you give up the positive gallery - deal?
DeleteMy naturopath keeps telling me that, when in doubt, I should always trust my cervical fluid.
ReplyDeleteYou really are a masochist, aren't you? I can see myself watching those kinds of videos, though, if only to fantasize about a time when I might be able to make one myself.
That's weird (and kind of scary) about apple juice. If I start drinking more apple juice, will I finally get a positive hpt?
That's what I decided to trust in the end - that coupled with the CBEFM.
DeleteAnd I was wondering the same thing about apple juice - perhaps that's what I'm doing wrong ... not drinking enough of it!
hmmm.....I take my temp under my arm. Is the mouth better? more accurate? I was told as long as I'm consistent it should be ok....
ReplyDeleteI don't know which is more accurate, but consistency is the most important, I would think.
Delete1. Little known fact, thermometers are all female. Like females of other species, sometimes they need a few minutes to fuss with hair, adjust lip stick or just cross arms and say, ' wait for me'.
ReplyDelete2. No, but if you use your lips you might get a forever duck face.
2 - that's how it feels sometimes!
Delete3. 8 ball says ask again latter.
ReplyDelete4. Unlike the cat, the program is jealous of the action, action you have planned.
5 like all children, cats think parents doing it is gag worthy. Literally made her gag.
6. Because you haven't found the archives of hyperbole and a half yet. Google that. Much better time waster, it makes me laugh out loud.
The cat really is disgusted by us sometimes. Usually he hides in the laundry basket among the dirty clothes.
DeleteCrap, I missed one, hate blogger on iPad.
ReplyDeleteThe real number 6. Witchcraft! We obviously should contact Salem for advice on how to handle this new evil devil juice behavior,
It's so bizarre that you just might be right about that ....
Delete1. I had one of those. Ditched it and went with a BD thermometer from Amazon. Super fast and super reliable. Side note: My brother-in-law is an engineer for BD. Good chance those needles going into everyone's ass is from my hometown in rural NE.
ReplyDelete2. I totally hold it with my teeth. It has ridges on it from my teeth.
3. You should send her the RESOLVE survey results.
4. YES. My PCOS self has a mini-LH surge every month around CD 13 & 14 resulting in a nice cervix and good mucus, but I don't typically ovulated until CD 19 or 20. It always gives me a green light but tells me I'm probably not fertile.
5. OMG. What if your cat develops a sibling rivalry?
6. Why DOES it do that?! I googled and googled and someone said that it is the sugar - it is supposed to work with soda, too. Also, I found a forum where women were calling another woman a dumb bitch for even suggesting such a thing. Literally. Why are people such assholes?
7. Sometimes I watch homebirth videos on YouTube. Sigh.
BD - as long as that doesn't mean what it could mean .... LOL at the teeth ridges! You're ferocious. As for the homebirth videos, well, I'll keep that in mind for the days that I really want to stick it to myself.
Delete1. Because it enjoys messing with you.
ReplyDelete2. Oh man, I hope not!
3. That poor lady sounds clueless. Wow, I'm caught between wanting to laugh at her naivety and wanting to sit her down for a serious talk. Perhaps she needs to be enlightened, in a very vague way. Keep it simple.. don't want to scare the poor woman off.
4. Bizarre. I'd do it anyway, just in case. ;)
5. Haha. I love the imagery of this one. My vote is jealousy. Perhaps the cat has also been messing with your fertility monitor.
6. Strange! Is it weird that I'm tempted to try it just so I can see what a positive test would look like?
7. Morbid curiosity - see my above comment for an example of my own sick fantasy.
Consider it done, that just in case. I entered new data today and it took away my ovulation date ... sucks. Not sure what's going on. Selbe posted pics of her positive apple juice test, but if you do it too, be sure to share the results with us!
DeleteI Love this Post!
ReplyDeleteThose are puzzling. Here's what my brain thinks.
1. You know how I yell at mine all the time, they just aren't cooperative.
2. You are hilarious, I never would have thought of that and now I'm freaked out about it! I will try to hold with more perfectly pouty smooth lips from now on.
3. I would just share your experience and even mention all of us out here and how we all wish we were ready at 20. Let her know you will be around to talk to whenever she decides it's right.
4. Just covering the bases. Or reading your mind....
5. d. all of the above
6. mmm apple juice
7. the crack-like hidden messages behind the videos!
shaking my head in disbelief on #3, all depending of how good friend of yours she is.. but I think I would bring it up and if you are ready, share some of your struggles, I guess the tricky thing is not to scare her by it. She could very well be just fine you know.
ReplyDelete