Joining a gym, the Swiss way.

So. You might think it’s all about miscarriage around here. (Uh … well … okay, so far, you’re right.) But occasionally other thoughts do cross my mind, and I'd like to share them with you too, if you're interested. I mentioned the other day that I had recently got off my ass, literally and figuratively, and joined a gym. And of course, this being Switzerland, there was a twist to the procedure that made me grin.

I paid a visit to my preferred choice of fitness centers wearing workout gear, expecting a tour and a trial workout. Sure enough, the receptionist offered to show me around before letting me try out the equipment. When she came out from behind the counter to give me the tour, I saw that she had covered her shoes with little blue plastic booties … kind of like what a doctor or a scientist might wear when entering an environment where even one errant bacterium could lead to grave consequences.

As I was following her towards the exercise area, she said something to me that I didn't quite understand (my miscarriage-related vocabulary is up to snuff, but there are some limits to the rest of my French). I continued after her without pause. “Non. NON! Stop. Stop!”

I stopped and finally understood that I too had to put on the blue plastic booties, over my (not dirty) athletic shoes. Why? “We cannot enter the exercise area wearing shoes that have been worn outside! It’s clean in here!” she explained in a rather condescending tone, like I was crazy – or worse, a filthy-habited foreigner – for thinking it might be permissible to just enter a gym wearing the same athletic shoes in which I had walked there. When members enter, she told me, they have to put on the booties over their shoes or else take off their shoes and walk in socks to the locker room area, where they can put on athletic shoes that must be reserved for indoor gym use only.

So I rendered myself sufficiently sterile to enter by slipping my feet into the booties, and we walked around together in our matching footgear. The equipment looked great. Then it was time for the trial workout. I asked her if I had to continue wearing my booties while exercising. She hesitated. I frowned. She reluctantly said I could take them off, but only if I cleaned my shoes to an appropriate level of let’s-pretend-they’ve-never-been-worn-outside-ness.

The janitor gave me a scrubbing brush and a towel, and then they left me to it in the locker room. I did my best to remove each speck of whatever outdoor matter the shoes could have collected, putting down the brush only when it seemed that the shoes were clean enough to eat off, and thus suitable for use on the pristine Swiss gym equipment.

Anyway, exigent standards of cleanliness aside (good thing no home visit is necessary before members are accepted), it was the right place for me. I especially appreciate its crying room.

Yeah, I had to bring it back around to that. Sorry!