Blue [photo challenge].

Yesterday I was thinking ahead to today's photo challenge. Blue, blue, blue ... what to choose? There were many beautiful blue skies, rivers, and lakes to be found in my treasure trove of holiday pictures, ones that I'd taken with this prompt in mind. There was a saucy little topaz-eyed Siamese curled up next to me who would awaken to pose disdainfully if given the chance (and a treat). I was drinking from a Mexican goblet rimmed in sapphire glass. Blue, blue everywhere ... but none of it spoke to my heart.

Then I went over to Amanda's blog and saw the vibrant and inspiring painting she was offering to one lucky reader and thought about the question she asked: what keeps you hopeful?

This is what I said:

Other than my dear bloggie friends who inspire me each and every day ... and my sweet husband who is always optimistic and encouraging ... well, I have a little Peruvian hat that I bought for a future child the day I met my husband, a few hours beforehand. I haven't looked at it since we lost the last pregnancy but knowing that it's there and that one day somebody will wear it gives me hope.

That hat is blue.

I had found my blue.

To take the photograph, though, I'd have to find the hat. It had been put into the bag of other baby clothes I'd rather unfortunately purchased just before the bad-news appointment, the bag I unceremoniously dumped into our cellar eight and a half months ago, the bag that had since been dumped into a box and then covered most un-Swissly with other random dumped things. It took a little digging around under the dust and cobwebs, but I found it.

(The positive peesticks were in the bag, too. Props to those of the First Response variety for preserving their gorgeous double pink lines, lines still as vivid as they were the day I stick-peed, lines that have outlived by many multiples of months the empty gestational sac I would have liked to have thought of as my growing child.)

I haven't felt very hopeful lately. I try to stay positive but yesterday's paraphrase of "when, not if, I get my period next week" reflects my real state of mind. Thinking of this little spot of blue and what of our future it represents is helping me to feel less, well, blue.

And that is worth more than what is worth a thousand words.

taken for EmHart's September Photo Challenge.