It wasn’t her fault, but I think it’s time to dump my gynecologist.

I mentioned that I was given a recommendation for a new gynecologist. I think I’m going to take it.

I have only seen my current doctor twice, once at the appointment where she obliquely and gracelessly broke the bad news to us, and a few days later at the appointment where she sent us off to the hospital for all follow-up care.

If the news hadn’t been what it was, I probably wouldn’t have seen a reason to change. She was recommended by my trusty general practitioner, she’s practical and efficient, and she’s conveniently located near Gilles’s office. But several things are bothering me. First, although it was clear that something terrible had happened, even though she wouldn’t tell me directly (“We’ll speak after the examination”), she wanted to carry on with a breast exam after finishing the ultrasound! Perhaps it is a typical part of a routine prenatal visit, but at that point, ours had become anything but. I couldn’t lie there and keep going as if it were! That she thought I should shows a lack of sensitivity that I don't want to ignore.

The second is that six weeks after that appointment, she sent me a letter saying that lab results had showed a “small infection, without gravity,” that she wanted to re-test. Apologies for the lack of notice in the meantime, but she’d thought she would have been able to speak to me at my next prenatal visit. Well, apologies from me in return for not being able to provide good reason to make a next prenatal visit. When I called to make an appointment for the re-test, the receptionist couldn’t even tell me what the issue was; I’d have to wait until the follow-up to find out – another strike against the office.

But that’s not really it. Honestly, if we are lucky enough to be blessed with a second attempt at baby-growing, I cannot imagine walking into the same office, undressing in the same corner (in front of the same audience), lying down on the same table, waiting for the verity to show itself on the same screen. I am too afraid of reliving those horrible moments, of hearing those cryptic words so telling in their lack of clarity, of making them come true again just by virtue of going through the same motions in the same place.

Of course I know that’s irrational. But it’s going to be hard enough anyway, to overcome the fears for the future created by the past; no reason to make it harder. A change of scenery could do us some good, and so it will be changed.

Friends in the internet who have had a miscarriage - what did you do? Did you return to the same gynecologist for routine care and/or your next pregnancy, or did you make a change? And why?